em_jay

Feeling a bit low tonight, as well as tired. I'm supposed to be going back to the doctor but I'm working every day.

Definitely need the money with Christmas getting close.....but I'm finding it hard to get everything done. I should take the advice I'm always giving my kids....life's tough, get used to it. None of us can have everything we want.

Need to sleep......

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I think some worlds are not meant to collide. The ideas and morals are too different. It causes too many misunderstandings and problems. Perhaps I'll stay in my own world with my boring friends from now on. At least the problems are petty....

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I've learnt a lot about myself, and about other people, this weekend.

I've had 4 days alone, mostly with my kids, and I've discovered I couldn't be a single mum. I don't think I'm even cut out to be a mum at all half the time.

My husband will be home soon...and I'm not sure how I feel about that. He has been not the most pleasant person this weekend.

I've discovered I really don't have many friends, virtually none I can tell things to. Most are not there at all.

I've realised I've gone straight from my mum's to living with my husband....I haven't ever lived alone. I think that's why I suddenly feel the need to break free now. I want to go away for a long time all by myself. I want to have no responsibility, no-one to answer to.

Some people think I'm not trying to work out what I want. That I'm taking the easy way, or just not making any decisions. This isn't the case at all. I just find it very hard to express.

I've spent a lot of this weekend going up and down, spending a lot of it in tears. I hate the person I am and I'm trying to work out how to fix it.

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OK so I stole this from someone else.....it's pretty funny :D

any takers?

I am just so incredibly tired at the moment. Thank goodness for staying home tonight.

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What's that song about emotions being like a rollercoaster???

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A while ago I wrote all of the positives and negatives of my friendship with someone. I decided to post it here..except I can't get my computer working..grrr!

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I have to say I really miss my friends when they aren't around anymore. I don't think there'll be a chance of this one coming back either. This makes me really sad.
My cat makes me happy though....

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So, things didn't turn out the way I expected. They never do though. That would be incredibly boring. I spent some time this morning thinking about my options and what my life was worth. About what I have in my life. And, of course, what I don't have. Really, what does make life worth living? Everything's always a struggle. Relationships, money, time......I wonder if it'll ever be worth it?

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I wonder why as soon as I'm happy my husband does or says something to make me unhappy. Perhaps he has a special radar?

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When i was younger i used to worry about what would happen if i was a lesbian. So i pushed it to the back of my mind and that way i didn't have to think about it. I know I'm not a lesbian now....but i do still wonder about the possibilities. I have spent i guess the past year thinking a *lot* about my life. What I've got and what i've done, and what i haven't got or haven't done.

I thought that by the age of 35 people knew what they wanted.....but i don't. One day i think i know...but then someone turns that all around. I have a great life on paper. I do want that life. But I want more than that. This is such an ongoing saga for me, and i know some people are sick to death of hearing about it...but those same people are the cause of my questioning. I want to explore other options. But how do i even begin?

I'm letting myself get hurt. I'm hurting other people. This is no way to be. I have no right to be hurt either, and no claims at all. But emotions get in the way. Tears follow.....emotions run too high.

I should just run away from it all.

How funny is textsfromlastnight.com????

(734): I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
(1-734): Shittttttt.
(734): Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

:D

You Are An ESFP

The Performer You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others. A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic. You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally. You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic. In love, you are a smooth talker and incorrigible flirt. While you get into relationships easily, you don't tend to stick around when times get tough. At work, you do well in groups. You keep everyone laughing through difficult tasks. You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor. How you see yourself: Capable, fair, and efficient When other people don't get you, they see you as: Incompetent, stubborn, and silly

Perhaps I should've thought more about some of my answers!!!

Affirmation lyrics

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I just found out a relative's dog died. It's very sad, and my kids will be so upset :(

I will not cope well when our remaining dog goes. She is the sweetest dog ever, ever, ever.

On another note...I found out that when my friend was talking about her boyfriend the other night she was talking cm.....not inches. She was right about him....good job she dumped him.

So, the hair dye is on....just a few more minutes of waiting.

I've been cleaning out toyboxes to send stuff to Victoria to people with no homes. I don't actually know if they'll want it, but there's a friend driving down on Friday with a truck. I guess homeless people will appreciate some of it anyway.

I'm regretting something I asked last night, it was stupid and selfish. But it's done now.

I'm in disbelief about an email my friend sent her, now, ex-boyfriend. She has some balls!!!

I did enjoy chatting to 2 of the people I like most in the world last night.  It makes me think :)

I might dye my hair burgundy today. But i'm not sure if I should.......

I had a great weekend, staying cool most of the time and getting a day off so I finally got to rest :)

I did have a lot of strange dreams though :p

I am sooooooo tired :(

So today's exciting because school went back  :)

That means 1 less kid at home with me starting today. The other one starts on Friday, so then the fun begins! I can't wait to have more time to get things done that I want to do, and to be able to go by myself and not plan around which kid or kids will be with me.

I'm sad that my friend will go back to Melbourne tomorrow. She lives there but hates it. That's where her hubby works so it's where she needs to be. I'll miss having her around!!

My toe is still swollen and purple and I can't really bend it.....but I'm still teaching aerobics, I need the money!! I didn't teach last night though, I was too tired :p

My pool is fucking awesome.....enough said!

Oh, and I might dye my hair dark red again. Maybe :p